The Book Odyssey

I checked this out from the library last year and found that there was a reading list in the back which is when I decided that this would be a great candidate for what I call the book odyssey.  I slated it on my Librarything Reading Challenge for this year and have had some fun borrowing and buying the books that I need to read alongside Reading Lolita in Tehran.  I bought my own used copy, restored it as best as I could (cleaning, covering etc.,) and got myself  a nice green highlighter for the list in the back.  I am NOT one of those people who highlight text or write fatuous comments in the margins throughout the book, but this is a working copy ( I also have working copies of 1001 Books To Read Before You Die and Harold Bloom's The Western Canon which I also highlight, but I have no qualms about doing so because I am working out of each of them and I think of them as tools for my literary enrichment).  Plus I don't mar the text, just the lists in the back.
I call it a book odyssey because of the many places I go to and the experiences I have with reading each book that is referred to (which makes me think of Odysseus).  I really enjoy doing this (I allude to other times when I have read such books that are rich with literary references such as The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Volume One and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Volume Two ) and seek to read the books referred to. It really enhances my enjoyment of the book I am reading.  I am always on the lookout for such books as they are an extraordinary source of reading indulgence and I often feel richer for the experience (even when some of the books are not what I would naturally choose to read).
What I mean by that is that Nafisi has a strong admiration of Vladimir Nabokov, and at the beginning of this odyssey I had only ever read Lolita which if you have read my blog entry about it you would understand that it was a repellent experience for me.  I saw that Nabokov had a gift for writing, and hoped that when I read something else of his I would get to appreciate that gift.  I have since then read Invitation to a Beheading which was sublime and has made me comfortable with the idea of re-reading Lolita sometime this year.
So it has been a very gratifying experience so far.    I have been in an all girls school with Muriel Sparks' The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, lived under siege in Nuha al-Radi's The Baghdad Diaries , hung out in Europe with  Henry James' Daisy Miller, floated around in the mind of Cincinnatus C. in Invitation to a Beheading, and been anxiously repressed in Bucharest with Saul Bellow's The Dean's December.  
The plan for this book odyssey is doing a little peeking ahead to see what books are mentioned, read those books, then proceed with the chapters in Reading Lolita until I encounter new books I haven't read yet. I have not progressed too deeply yet, but I love what I have read so far.  This project will probably exceed the year that I have allotted to complete it in because apart from the list in the back of the book I want to read everything else too by those authors mentioned.
To be continued...

I Still Dream About You

I am struggling to describe the feeling that a Fannie Flagg book always gives me.  She is one of my ‘must-buys’.    Which means that whenever something of hers comes out I must buy it! 
On  the back of I Still Dream About You one reviewer says that the story is heart filling, and I would have to agree with that.  Maybe I will never be able to express how much these books mean to me, but heart-filling is extremely apt.  My heart is always full afterwards,  full of joy and the beauty of life however it presents itself.   It is the best kind of therapy for someone who has been having it rough for a while, is worn down and questions the purpose of it all.  Heart filling.  Perhaps I should make it a habit of picking up a Fannie Flagg book at least once a year, just so I can get myself centered again, and remember what is really most important  about life. 

Sitting Down and Giving Away

The next two chapters in this book have ended in mixed results for me.  One chapter suggests sitting down when you eat, no problem... I can do that.  I just don't like eating at the dinner table preferring my reading chair or the couch in front of the television. I have even gone as far as predicting that one day, if I happened to out-live my husband (and I can already tell you that that is not allowed to happen becuase I insist on going first), that I would probably get rid of all dining room furniture and turn the room into a library or reading room.   And I don't know why.  It bugs me, so I have ignored this chapter quite vigorously.  So naturally this time I made myself look at it properly.  Geneen is right... if I had guests over for dinner I would not expect them to eat on the couch.  So why do I do it?  I really don't know.  When we first moved in to this house the dining room was just awful.  Closed in and with really dreadful wallpaper on the walls, and so very dark and dreary. 

Dreadful isn't it?  I am glad to say that DH (that stands for darling husband) whacked out some walls and placed a window right where that green tape is on the wall.  He also planted an ornamental crabapple tree in the yard so that I could see the blossoms from the window while I sat at the table.

Nice isn't it?
(Notice how I have manged to get away from the subject?  Pretty good distraction eh?)  Yes, I am still in strong denial over this chapter!

The next chapter is about getting rid of the clothes that cut off your circulation.  I know and understand what Geneen is talking about here and I haven't really had a problem with this (except when I was a teenager and that was only when I was borrowing a girlfriend's clothes), unfortunately right now I am in between sizes (which is my current dilemma).  If I eat something for breakfast that bloats me  I go to the old size, and it's really easy to go there because everything is loose and comfortable, and it tells me that I have lost a few inches (except after about an hour of wearing my jeans all it would take is one good yank and they would slip right off my hips and that is it's own source of discomfort!).  If I put on my new size I feel fat, and annoyed.  Fat because there are ugly bulges still, and annoyed because I have all of these lovely new clothes and I can't wear them in comfort.  It's bad for my self esteem.  There is, of course, a very simple solution to this,  and any of you have been reading my blogs so far would know that that solution (a diet), would just backfire in the most devasting way.  I get impatient and annoyed about it, but there really isn`t anything else I can do.  I will fit into those pretty clothes one day, just not when I want to.

Cultivate Curiosity

Ugh!... This is a hard one,  I skipped it this morning and just flipped through the pages looking for a chapter that I could be comfortable writing about, but made myself go back and re-read this chapter and really think about it (because this isn't about being comfortable, its about being honest and about sharing with those I care about).  This is heavy, deep and meaningful stuff.   I couldn't stop thinking about this topic.  What does cultivating curiousity mean to me?  And how did I reach my current conclusions?   Lots of ways.

I am a curious person.  When I find something interesting, I will learn as much about it as I can (to the point of obsession) until I have seen it from all angles and "puzzled until my puzzler was sore" (if you don't get that reference  shame on you!).  It can sometimes cause me pain to be this inquistive (more on that later).  I need to know why.  More than anything else I want to understand.  So when this  'cultivate curiousity' suggestion popped up I had no real idea what Geneen was asking me to do so I skimmed the chapter and went on to something else (which makes it interesting to come back to later and see just how far I have come from the beginning).  I  have a slow and sometimes difficult time  absorbing the information that is set in front of me (I used to think that I was just stupid and that I had inherited this stupidity from my mother...to my greatest shame).  I work very hard, read a lot and think a great deal about a topic.    Mull it over, digest it and finally reach an understanding (if it is the 'right' understanding or not is not important).  I haven't gotten very far but from my various studies this is what I can understand so far (thanks to insights from C.S. Lewis, Aristotle, Lord Byron, Gandhi and Deepak Chopra).   To quote from the chapter:-  "One of my main functions as a teacher is to rekindle a student's interest in herself.  To assume that no matter how it may appear, she has good reasons for her behavior, and simply to be curious about what those reasons are."
It has taken me a long time to figure out myself (it's an ongoing procedure), and some of it was really painful (okay...lots of it was).
The gist, however, is this.  Deepak Chopra coined the phrase 'self-referral'.  I think that it is very apt.  Basically it is just about listening to yourself, really listening.  And being able to trust what you have heard.  There is no mystery about this, there are no tricks.  If you know and trust yourself enough, you can hear what your body is telling you.   Be egocentric about it.  Push out all of the crap and just go inside yourself.  Listen to every little bit of yourself, because when you ignore it you fail.  You become malnourished.  Write down what you learn so that you don't forget.

We really can trust ourselves, trust our bodies.  The human body is an amazing thing.  After reading Deepak Chopra's Book of Secrets I was amazed at just how clever our bodies are (that first chapter just blew my mind!), but I didn't just believe Chopra outright, I had to come to my own conclusions through extensive self referral.  I will give you an example.  A few years ago I watched a show called 'The Truth About Food'.  In one very interesting episode they were investigating cleansing the body.  There were two control groups placed in separate cottages, and they were given two diets.  One group did a cleanse, complete with rigourous diet and awful tasting shakes, the other ate what they wanted... lots of junk food, booze etc.,  They did blood tests at the beginning and the end of the experiment to measure contaminants in the body.   Now what was most interesting about the results of this experiment was that after a week there was no real difference between the two groups, the assumption being that the human body is capable of cleansing itself, without the help of drastic dieting, fasts or supplements.    I wish I hand known that earlier... it would have saved me a lot of money and angst.  Of course, this doesn't mean its okay to just stuff yourself with crap.  Just look at all the obese, unhealthy people out there.  It just means that if you understand enough about yourself and are able to interpret your own body signals, they aren't going to lead you astray, and that your body will let you know if it needs something.

It took a lot of work for me to get where I am this morning.  I have read countless books about nutrition, ethics, cultural beliefs, ayurveda etc.,  It was slow, and it was hard work, with lots of experimentation on my part.  I have tried so many things.  But worth it in the end.  I know more about myself, what I want, what I like, what I believe, and what makes me happy.  I know everything about what I eat, why I eat it, and how it nourishes me.  I know what is good for me.  
  I had breakfast this morning.  This is a huge change from say ten years ago, when breakfast used to be a pot of coffee (and bad coffee at that).  This is what I did instead;  I started my day with a cup of coffee.   This is something that I don't want to change and don't feel guilty about consuming.  I love coffee.    I am an really early riser and I am never hungry on waking, so a cup of coffee is just right.  After an hour or so I made some Banana Muffins with walnuts, and while they were baking  I made myself a fresh fruit salad, today was a quarter of a pineapple and a lovely organic gala apple.    Once the muffins where out of the oven I put on another pot of coffee and ate them together... it was really delicious, I liked the sweetness of the muffin combined with the taste of the coffee.   It was perfect for me, it was just what I wanted and I felt good.  This is a step beyond just self-referral, because now I am being kind to myself beyond just understanding my needs, I am nourishing them. as well.

50 Ways to Feel Thin, Gorgeous, and Happy (When You Feel Anything But)

I am going to lump this book into a new category on my blog called "Books Every Woman Should Read".    If you (and I'm talking to all the women I know) have an issue with food or not, this is a 'must read'.
I first read this book over a decade ago, and almost cried after I read the first chapter.  I know of other women who upon reading it threw the book across the room and, after reading the first chapter the rest was read with incredulity.    It is hard to digest at first (har har...food pun intended).  So after my first reading of this book I started to change the way I viewed my life,  and after every consecutive read I have used the book as a yardstick to let me know how I have been doing in the interim.   It makes sense, it has that ring of truth about it, and it really is possible.  I highly recommend this book, and have lent it to women, and sent it to my best friend in Australia (because it is what I consider to be a powerful gift of love).  I have earnt a few merit badges since the beginning (it seems like every chapter is a challenge after which you earn your reward on completion).  But it is not only that, this book shows me how I have changed since the beginning and that it really is possible to do the things that Geneen suggests we do, and it isn't as hard as you think it is. 
My plan is to discuss different chapters (badges if you like) that I have come to believe and have achieved/earnt and would like to share with you, because when you don't have anyone to share these things with, your life gets very small.  And I am ready to share.

Merit Badge #1  Whatever you do, don't diet.

The fourth law of the universe is that for every diet there is an equal and opposite binge.  This is very true.  Even when you don't mean to diet, somewhere deep inside you always knows and responds in kind.  That I have earnt this badge or not isn't absolutely certain as I always feel like I am on a tightrope which is very hard to balance on (but it's not always like this... there are months when I don't think about it at all).  Even when I don't mean to it just happens, like for instance, a few weeks ago I was testing recipes for a raw food cookbook.  I really wanted to give this a wholehearted genuine try and it seemed like lots of fun and a challenge to try this way of life (especialy during winter when all I want is to be warm).  But after a few days some deeper urges expressed themselves and for a day or so I ate lots of food, hot, cooked food, and I couldn't seem to regulate my hunger.  I got bloated, heartburn and a bad nights sleep, as my body was still busy digesting all of the food I had consumed.

Which is when I took out this book (to do a little self diagnostic).  I knew what had happened (even though I didn't mean it to happen) and, after reading a few chapters felt better.   I had been on a diet.  I had only ate raw food, and I had skipped my morning coffee.  And while I felt good, light, had extra energy and decent rest, I was feeling deprived and I had ignored this feeling in the interest of seeing how my body would respond to this new regimen. This feeling of deprivation is an important feeling, and should never be ignored, ever!

So since that incident I have been re-thinking the way I eat, and trying to add new ways of eating (in the raw) without having that feel of a diet, and absolutely NO sense of deprivation.  Like I said, it feels like a tightrope which I have trouble balancing on sometimes.   What I took from this experience is that, for me, there is a delicate balance which I shouldn't take such drastic steps on, as I will fall off the tightrope.  So baby steps is the way to go...and my large cup of coffee every morning, no matter what!