Great Expectations

In honor of Charles Dickens 200th birthday I chose Great Expectations to read.  I am embarrased to say that I had not read it yet!  Hopefully I will read them all one day.  I cannot help but feel that Charles Dickens is one person that I wish to get to know well, and the best way to do that is to read all of his works.  I haven't read many so far.  I read David Copperfield in my early teens, and later there was A Chrstmas Carol and Little Dorrit.  An interesting sampling so far which already gives me a good impression of the character of its author.
I admit at this stage in my life my knowledge of this century is still very skimpy, and much of my original reading was done when I was younger so the memories are hazy.  Once, when I was watching the movie Fahrenheit 541 and Montag was reading from David Copperfield, I felt like I wanted to cry too (one of the women he was reading to was) because the passage he was reading aloud  was beautiful (though I think the woman who was crying was doing it for another reason entirely).  Dickens shows me a world I cannot possibly know, but I feel as if I could because he paints very clear pictures with his words.
I am glad that I have made a point of not seeing any of the movies that have been made from this book.  I didn't know what the story was about which was great.  I loved it.  The characters were all so different from each other and some were very strange.  I loved the name Mr. Pumblechook (I think that alone helped me not to hate him!), crazy Miss Havisham, and dependable Joe.   I even joined a discussion group about this book, and earnestly defended Pip to another person who thought that he was a very selfish and awful character.    He really wasn't.  It was a valueable discussion, because I developed a better undertsanding of Pip (because my own initial impression was that he did end up being a selfish so and so). This is something I love about Dickens' books.  You are there with your characters at the beginning, so you can understand them and why they behave the way they do, and you get to share, not only in the adventure of their lives but also the characters they meet along the way.  While there is always adversity, it is sweetened with healthy helpings of good people from all walks of life to soothe the protagonist's way.
So you can see why I wish that I could meet and shake the hand of such a man, to get to know him.  He was brilliant, and an amazing scholar of human nature.  His characters are believable, they are true.

In case you would like to see this as a movie, I recommend watching the PBS 2011 television series as a good place to start.

Some Things You Can Never Get Back...

...like the morning I just spent reading this book.  My first instinct was not to read it, I'm just not interested in these kinds of things.  Books about personalities, rockstars, actors etc.,  just leaves me  bored.  It wasn't really all that bad,  I did learn one or two new things, and I laughed a few times.  It was just one morning's effort.    

             

The issue for me however, is confusion.  I am puzzled about why people now are writing such books about themselves when, to my point of view, I don't think they've done that much (be on the lookout for Justin Bieber's book coming soon...not!).  It has always been an assumption of mine that when you write an autobiography you have already lived a long and eventful life and have much wisdom to share.  The exception being I suppose that one really special noteworthy thing has already happened to you and there is so much material to write about this event that it couldn't possibly wait for years from now when you are old and grey.  Apparently not.  These days anyone with a bit of renown can churn out a book about themselves and it doesn't really have to make much sense...or have a point.  

When I read a book I expect to get somewhere at the conclusion, even if it is a series or a trilogy...whatever.   When it is a one-off non-fiction deal, shouldn't it make sense?  Where do you want to go?  What are you trying to say?  

This is a genre I have not really looked at before, because I have not really been all that interested in non-fiction, and it has been something I have wanted to change.  So with the aim of reading LibraryThing's Hot This Month list, and trying to improve myself by reading something possibly educational, I thought I would give Bossypants a whirl (at #10 on the list).  I don't know much about Tina Fey (being too tired to stay up and watch Saturday Night Live and I have never watched 30 Rock.  So it was all new information to me. 

She's funny and smart,  a person who works hard and does a good job.  She's had some success in her career, and has a nice little family.  At the end there we all know how ambivalent she is about her job and her family,  and she really can't make up her mind about having another baby. 

My question is why does it have to be in a book?  Isn't it something more appropriate for say a journal, or even a blog?  Those one off entries you can make about something that concerns you at the moment, but have no need to be decided on or to be concluded in any way?  There is just this very unfinished feeling about the book, which annoys me.  And inspires me to rant a little about how these days the world is just being flooded with every concieveable media and it all seems to be about quantity, not quality.  

Ok I promise to stop being grumpy now.  And I promise to have a look at her next book when/if she writes one  twenty nears from now (stuffed with experience and wisdom I fervently hope!)

 Also, I will not be reading #4 on the Whats Hot list... Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson.  Just reading the contents make my eyes glaze over and my stomach clench at how many pages are in there... over 700!  While I know it meets my criteria for what I think should make up an autobiography I just can't read that many pages about computers and people who make them  So I will go with my instincts on that one and give it a miss. 

The Color Purple

Over the years there have been a few movies I have watched that have moved me emotionally, so deeply that they have held a very special place in my heart. To name a few, in Steel Magnolias the scene after the funeral always has me tearing up a bit and ready to bawl because the pain that Sally Fields portrays is so very real and raw.  The English Patient  is another tear-jerking  movie which I have only seen once and have yet to read the book of because it was just so hauntingly heartbreaking.  Then there is the movie I Am Legend with Will Smith (yet another show I will never be able to see again because of it's suspense and frightening content).   The Color Purple directed by Steven Spielberg is one of the most emotionally evocative movies I have seen (yet).  This scene pictured above is what I consider to be the most powerful one I have ever encountered.  If the movie is on the television, I will always stop to watch it even if I only catch the last half hour (which is, in my opinion the best part), just so that I can see Whoopie Goldberg again perform one of the most touching and overwhelmingly emotional parts of the whole movie.  I always cry because it is just so beautiful.

So it was with great interest that I read the book, and I am pleased to say that Spielberg didn't muck it up (meaning that he was pretty faithful to the book).  I must admit I would have been tickled pink to see Danny Glover quilting with Whoopie on the front porch, but I guess you can't have everything. 
Written as a journal (one of my favorite formats!), we get to follow Celie throughout her life, to a most satisfactory conclusion.  The writing is simple and the imagery is vivid without detail (though I thought that might be because of the movie at first, but I was wrong because as I went further into the story I had other images come to mind which are not a part of the movie).
It is a great story to step into and experience another way of life for a short while. It was great to have a peek into the strong and loving bond between women who are the best of friends. It was also a great way to be reminded of the value of simpler things that life can be about,  a good home-cooked meal or a hand-made quilt, which are more powerful and important than anything else I can express the significance of here.

Sitting Down and Giving Away

The next two chapters in this book have ended in mixed results for me.  One chapter suggests sitting down when you eat, no problem... I can do that.  I just don't like eating at the dinner table preferring my reading chair or the couch in front of the television. I have even gone as far as predicting that one day, if I happened to out-live my husband (and I can already tell you that that is not allowed to happen becuase I insist on going first), that I would probably get rid of all dining room furniture and turn the room into a library or reading room.   And I don't know why.  It bugs me, so I have ignored this chapter quite vigorously.  So naturally this time I made myself look at it properly.  Geneen is right... if I had guests over for dinner I would not expect them to eat on the couch.  So why do I do it?  I really don't know.  When we first moved in to this house the dining room was just awful.  Closed in and with really dreadful wallpaper on the walls, and so very dark and dreary. 

Dreadful isn't it?  I am glad to say that DH (that stands for darling husband) whacked out some walls and placed a window right where that green tape is on the wall.  He also planted an ornamental crabapple tree in the yard so that I could see the blossoms from the window while I sat at the table.

Nice isn't it?
(Notice how I have manged to get away from the subject?  Pretty good distraction eh?)  Yes, I am still in strong denial over this chapter!

The next chapter is about getting rid of the clothes that cut off your circulation.  I know and understand what Geneen is talking about here and I haven't really had a problem with this (except when I was a teenager and that was only when I was borrowing a girlfriend's clothes), unfortunately right now I am in between sizes (which is my current dilemma).  If I eat something for breakfast that bloats me  I go to the old size, and it's really easy to go there because everything is loose and comfortable, and it tells me that I have lost a few inches (except after about an hour of wearing my jeans all it would take is one good yank and they would slip right off my hips and that is it's own source of discomfort!).  If I put on my new size I feel fat, and annoyed.  Fat because there are ugly bulges still, and annoyed because I have all of these lovely new clothes and I can't wear them in comfort.  It's bad for my self esteem.  There is, of course, a very simple solution to this,  and any of you have been reading my blogs so far would know that that solution (a diet), would just backfire in the most devasting way.  I get impatient and annoyed about it, but there really isn`t anything else I can do.  I will fit into those pretty clothes one day, just not when I want to.

Isaac and Me

Issac and I have had a very special relationship for a really long time (I can't remember when I first started reading Asimov, but it seems like he has been a part of my life forever).  I love his robots!   The book I, Robot just changed my world as I knew it.  A whole new concept of science fiction was opened up to me and I have loved robots ever since (the modem I have for my laptop had to be from USRobotics...no other would have been acceptable).   I couldn't help but be on the robots side in almost every story.   I would have to say that this enduring love for all things robotic has influenced my life in a few ways, down to what kinds of music I favor (who can resist some really great electronic music or even a song with robots in it??) and what literature I prefer the most (hard science fiction). 
 Asimov's genre of social science fiction was revolutionary... I had only until then seen or read of a future where robots/androids were a thing of fact, and a sign of progress , and it was different to read about a future humanity that was suspicious, scared and even resentful of all that a personal humanoid robot could offer.  The movie I, Robot starring Will Smith, did a great job of highlighting this ( I also appreciated how the movie incorporated the various short stories from the book into the movie story line and I wonder what Isaac would have thought).   While his futures do not include much in the way of technical advances, I think that his perceptions of what humanity will be like is spot on.  It's too bad I won't be around to see it for myself. 

I have just begun to read the Foundation series.  Isaac was kind enough, in his later years, to connect all of his individual series into one future history.  I must admit that I had never seen that before.   I have read his other series separately and had never made the connection with any of them.  Strangely, incredibly, I had managed to read them all, over the years, in the order that Asimov suggested, so now, with Prelude to Foundation, I am able to make connections, and can admittedly feel some nostaligia while reading it for past events and characters (especially the robots, I was on the verge of tearing up a little when they made an appearance).  Of course, now that the connection has been made I am tempted to just go right back to the beginning and 'do the thing properly'.    But then, the vague sense of familiarity just adds to the frustrating and almost helpless feeling of lost history which Isaac is building with Prelude.   It's exciting!  I can't wait to see how the story progresses and I am grateful to Isaac for bringing out in me again that special feeling of pure happiness I get whenever I read one of his wonderful books.

Before I Go To Sleep

 

A truly scary concept.  Waking up every day and not remembering yesterday or your life for the past twenty to twenty-five years.  Not remembering growing up, going to school, getting married, the book, movie or music you listened to the day before... terrible!  Devastating!  What would you do with your life?  You wouldn't be able to read a book (one of the biggest horrors imaginable in my world), you could watch the same movie more than twenty times and never know!  And music would be a fleeting and shallow pleasure because you would not be able to put in the time to really appreciate it.  There would be no depth to your life at all.  And you would be alone, because who could you really trust?  
This book is all about trust and the consequences of trusting someone.  I followed the protagonist Christine everywhere she went with the intense interest and care, full to the brim and overflowing with anxiety and suspense about what could possibly happen next.  While the wrapping up was a little too brief and very "storybook ending-ish" I didn't expect it to conclude as it did.  And S. J. Watson has my admiration respect for the way he did it!  Well done!  A super first novel.

Cultivate Curiosity

Ugh!... This is a hard one,  I skipped it this morning and just flipped through the pages looking for a chapter that I could be comfortable writing about, but made myself go back and re-read this chapter and really think about it (because this isn't about being comfortable, its about being honest and about sharing with those I care about).  This is heavy, deep and meaningful stuff.   I couldn't stop thinking about this topic.  What does cultivating curiousity mean to me?  And how did I reach my current conclusions?   Lots of ways.

I am a curious person.  When I find something interesting, I will learn as much about it as I can (to the point of obsession) until I have seen it from all angles and "puzzled until my puzzler was sore" (if you don't get that reference  shame on you!).  It can sometimes cause me pain to be this inquistive (more on that later).  I need to know why.  More than anything else I want to understand.  So when this  'cultivate curiousity' suggestion popped up I had no real idea what Geneen was asking me to do so I skimmed the chapter and went on to something else (which makes it interesting to come back to later and see just how far I have come from the beginning).  I  have a slow and sometimes difficult time  absorbing the information that is set in front of me (I used to think that I was just stupid and that I had inherited this stupidity from my mother...to my greatest shame).  I work very hard, read a lot and think a great deal about a topic.    Mull it over, digest it and finally reach an understanding (if it is the 'right' understanding or not is not important).  I haven't gotten very far but from my various studies this is what I can understand so far (thanks to insights from C.S. Lewis, Aristotle, Lord Byron, Gandhi and Deepak Chopra).   To quote from the chapter:-  "One of my main functions as a teacher is to rekindle a student's interest in herself.  To assume that no matter how it may appear, she has good reasons for her behavior, and simply to be curious about what those reasons are."
It has taken me a long time to figure out myself (it's an ongoing procedure), and some of it was really painful (okay...lots of it was).
The gist, however, is this.  Deepak Chopra coined the phrase 'self-referral'.  I think that it is very apt.  Basically it is just about listening to yourself, really listening.  And being able to trust what you have heard.  There is no mystery about this, there are no tricks.  If you know and trust yourself enough, you can hear what your body is telling you.   Be egocentric about it.  Push out all of the crap and just go inside yourself.  Listen to every little bit of yourself, because when you ignore it you fail.  You become malnourished.  Write down what you learn so that you don't forget.

We really can trust ourselves, trust our bodies.  The human body is an amazing thing.  After reading Deepak Chopra's Book of Secrets I was amazed at just how clever our bodies are (that first chapter just blew my mind!), but I didn't just believe Chopra outright, I had to come to my own conclusions through extensive self referral.  I will give you an example.  A few years ago I watched a show called 'The Truth About Food'.  In one very interesting episode they were investigating cleansing the body.  There were two control groups placed in separate cottages, and they were given two diets.  One group did a cleanse, complete with rigourous diet and awful tasting shakes, the other ate what they wanted... lots of junk food, booze etc.,  They did blood tests at the beginning and the end of the experiment to measure contaminants in the body.   Now what was most interesting about the results of this experiment was that after a week there was no real difference between the two groups, the assumption being that the human body is capable of cleansing itself, without the help of drastic dieting, fasts or supplements.    I wish I hand known that earlier... it would have saved me a lot of money and angst.  Of course, this doesn't mean its okay to just stuff yourself with crap.  Just look at all the obese, unhealthy people out there.  It just means that if you understand enough about yourself and are able to interpret your own body signals, they aren't going to lead you astray, and that your body will let you know if it needs something.

It took a lot of work for me to get where I am this morning.  I have read countless books about nutrition, ethics, cultural beliefs, ayurveda etc.,  It was slow, and it was hard work, with lots of experimentation on my part.  I have tried so many things.  But worth it in the end.  I know more about myself, what I want, what I like, what I believe, and what makes me happy.  I know everything about what I eat, why I eat it, and how it nourishes me.  I know what is good for me.  
  I had breakfast this morning.  This is a huge change from say ten years ago, when breakfast used to be a pot of coffee (and bad coffee at that).  This is what I did instead;  I started my day with a cup of coffee.   This is something that I don't want to change and don't feel guilty about consuming.  I love coffee.    I am an really early riser and I am never hungry on waking, so a cup of coffee is just right.  After an hour or so I made some Banana Muffins with walnuts, and while they were baking  I made myself a fresh fruit salad, today was a quarter of a pineapple and a lovely organic gala apple.    Once the muffins where out of the oven I put on another pot of coffee and ate them together... it was really delicious, I liked the sweetness of the muffin combined with the taste of the coffee.   It was perfect for me, it was just what I wanted and I felt good.  This is a step beyond just self-referral, because now I am being kind to myself beyond just understanding my needs, I am nourishing them. as well.